Maligayang Kaarawan Nanay

Today is my mom's 61st birthday. Because her birthday fell on Good Friday this year, we celebrated with the family last week. Believe me, it is not always an easy feat scheduling a get together with all of my family, which includes my uncle, Ivan (my uncles BFF) and my two brothers. My older brother often works weekends and my younger brother's schedule is just ever unpredictable because he is in the army. In fact, last weekend was the last weekend he was around before going out of state for three weeks for training. We all had an intimate dinner at Mulino Ristorante (formerly Trattoria Mulino - they moved up in the world!), one of our favorite restuarants in the neighborhood. Afterwards we went back to my house for ice crean and this ridiculously cheezy Filipino movie called "Dubai."

On her actual birthday, I met my mom for lunch. Since she was in a hurry to get bact to church, we net and had a wonderful pizza lunch at Sbarro in mid-town, (truth to be told, Sbarro's is a tourist trap - most New Yorkers wouldn't be caught dead there.) As usual, my mom was a bit slow to order so the guy thought that she was a tourist also. He started screaming at her that there is a long line and if she is not sure what to order, she needs to get off the line (ah that New York hospitality!) I thought it was pretty funny that my mom has lived in New York for a quarter of century and she still hasn't adopted the New York life.

On the left is a picture of my mom eating a slice of pizza along her favorite drink - cranberry juice.


To my mom, happy birthday! Without you I'd never have gotten to experience the New York life. And although our mother/daughter relationship went through some though times the past few years, I'm happy that we were able to start over. On your 61st birthday, I wish you a wonderful year, good health and many more birthdays for us to celebrate together. I also hope I can join you on your vacation back home next week. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that time will permit me.

Cheers Nanay!

HBD MIL

Yesterday was my dear mother-in-law's birthday. (Now I know that many people may read the phrase "dear mother-in-law" sarcastically, but believe me when I say that I am completely sincere.) The whole family went out for wonderful dinner and bowling afterward. We were all surprised that MIL turned out to be very good at it, despite having not bowled for something like 20 years! As a matter of fact, for at least one of the three games we all played, she scored higher that both me and my husband.

So to my mother-in-law, happy birthday. I wish you all the best, good health and happiness. Thank you for all your love and support. Matt and I can't wait to spend time with you in Florida over the holidays.

Happy Birthday Deb!

Giving Double

Today is the day that America celebrates Thanksgiving. Tonight, I am thankful for having two wonderful families with whom to celebrate this special occasion. And lucky for me, I don't need to worry which family I go to when.

Because my own family works in the medical field, they're schedule to work every other holiday (for example, they will work on Thanksgiving day and they will be off on Christmas day). As a result, my mom celebrated Thanksgiving with her family on Wednesday. Instead of a traditional turkey for dinner, she served a delicious Cornish game hen, with stuffing, potatoes, and asparagus. (I'll leave it to the reader to ponder the irony of serving a traditionally English game bird for Thanksgiving, but no matter what, it was delicious)

For dessert, she served a mixture of Filipino desserts such as Macapuno pie, Puto, Gelatin, together with some traditional Thanksgiving desserts such as Pecan and Pumpkin pie, paired with fresh fruits mixed.

~

Today, my husband and I went to his parents' house (my second family) to celebrate a more traditional Thanksgiving. My father-in-law made a delicious (and spicy) black bean soup. My mother-in-law served a traditional turkey for dinner (unfortunately, we arrived late so the turkey was already carved), with stuffing, mashed potatoes, corn, corn bread and cranberry sauce. I brought Brussels sprouts sauteed with garlic and pancetta, and my sister-in-law brought pumpkin bread and biscuits. (I'm already getting full again just thinking about it).

As usual, the whole family was there. I was thrilled to see my 3 nephews and their cousins who were growing very fast. The dinner didn't start before the tradition of everyone at the table explaining what they are thankful for this year. Even my 2 1/2 year old nephews had to say something. We all find this somewhat entertaining, especially because my mother-in-law took this "tradition" from her favorite daytime soup opera. But she treats this very seriously and becomes emotional every time it's her turn to say what she is thankful for.

The T family Thanksgiving celebration continues with an array of wonderful desserts and variety of individual flavored coffees. It's like having your own barista.



Having two families to celebrate Thanksgiving means having twice the feast, twice the drama, twice the fun and twice the love. And that is something that I am thankful everyday.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Utang Na Loob Huramentado

In my native language, we have a phrase "Utang Na Loob." This is similar to the concept in English of a "debt of gratitude" (as opposed to a "Quantum of Solace") - where an act of voluntary assistance. Often, Utang Na Loob is used in reference to the parent/child relationship - a child, when fully grown, is often expected to take care of her elderly parents, just as the parent (hopefully) did when the child was growing up.

Now I understand the concept of "respect your elderly," and I appreciate all of the love and assistance my mother gave me when I was growing up, but at some point, "Utang na Loob" becomes ridiculous. At some point it simple becomes unfair to spout out "Utang Na Loob" and expect to get whatever you want. It's like our fine feathered and soon to be departing leader spouting out, "How can my rich buddies expect to pay any taxes after 9/11?"

I recently encountered a dose of Utang Na Loob run amok:

Having so much time off from work, I mentioned to my husband that I would like to go back to Philippines for few weeks. It's been a long time since I've been home and seem by family (we're talking pre 9/11) and I miss them very much. My husband said that he thought it was a great idea, but he can't go with me because he is busy at work (apparently litigators are doing well despite of shitty economy) and he can't take any time off. Truth to be told, it's been a long time since I've been home that I am a little scared to go alone. I wouldn't really know how to get from Manila to the province where I grew up, and it is not always the safest for a woman (especially one from America who is presumed to have money) to travel alone. So I decided to ask my mom if she wanted to go home with me (she goes home every year).

When I asked my mom she quickly responded. "sure, why not?" Then she added, "Would you pay for my fare?" Ummm, no! What are you thinking? The economy sucks and we need to tighten our belts a bit. But to be polite, I smiled at her and said no.

The next day I got a disturbing call from a family member; apparently the conversation with my mom was brought to his attention. After some stilted small talk, he get to the crux of why he called - why won't I pay for my mom's airfare to go back home. He explained to me that, without my mother I wouldn't be - either in America or this world at home. Utang Na Loob! I ended the phone all without saying anything.

Now, this is hardly the first time that he or my family had used this on me. Every time they need something and I say no, the first thing they do is make us feel guilty and reminding us of Utang Na Loob. Its as if, because I am marriend to an attorney who makes a pretty comfortable living (we're not wealthy by any stretch), that I should be expected to pay for everything.

I know this concept is not unique to my country, but it is especially strong in Asian countries. After children reach a certain age, parents always makes demands on their children for the same of Utang Na Loob. I understand children should to be appreciative for all the things that their parent have done for them. But are we really expected to subsidize our parents? Why is it MY obligation for my parents' expenses now that I'm grown up and successful. I understand that, but why isn't it the parents' responsibility for ensuring that their children become successful and productive members of society.

Shouldn't the parent WANT the child to be successful, so the child will not be relying on them for the rest of their lives? Or shouldn't you want your children to be successful because that reflects on the way you raised them? Or because you don't want your children to have to suffer? Isn't the unconditional love a parent feels for his child ingrained because of the basic life need to continuing the species?

It can't really be that my parents had me to secure a stream of income for when they were older? Surely the cost of raising children far outweighs the expected return, and it's not like the tax benefits are not THAT favorable. As an accountant, I would have to strongly advise anyone out there against investing in children.

Yet, that's what Utang Na Loob would have you believe.

Now, don't get me wrong, I try helping my family as much as I can but I refuse to make it my responsibility. It's not like I grew up in the lap of luxury. When I came to America, I learned how to work for everything I need and want. When we first came here, my mother wanted me to become a nurse. She said she would pay for my schooling if I did, so I went to nursing school (talk about the living stereotype!) I took 2 years of nursing classes at Iona College but when it came time to get to actual work (training) I hated it. I couldn't make it more than half a day at the hospital when I was training.....I knew I would be miserable if I continued in nursing. I told my mom that I had decided to switch to accounting. She wasn't happy that I had strayed from the path that she took, and she told me that if I wanted to go to school for accounting, I would have to pay for it myself. FINE... Determined to be successful, I went to school at night and worked three jobs. I was a clerk, a cashier and babysitter. It was a hard work, especially fitting in with all my schoolwork, but I did it. I graduated from Fordham University, and I can now proudly admit that I'm successful.

I don't rely on my folks for any financial assistance (although my computer obsessed older brother is pretty generous when it come to giving me his cast-off computers and other hi-tech stuff). All I want is for them to be supportive of me. But sometimes even that is too much to ask. Last year, when I got married, we and my husband's family footed the bill. I had asked my mom to chip in a nominal amount of money. It wasn't the financial support that I wanted, but rather, the symbolic gesture that my mom was invested in my relationships with my husband that the money represented. Getting that was worse than pulling teeth out of a newborn's mouth (that's a whole other story.) Then, without chipping in a penny, my mom had the audacity to invite 40 of her close friends and family. A $75k wedding is pretty expensive in my world, and if were going to pay for 40 of my mom's guest (you never make up the cost of wedding through gifts, not that you should expect to), then I would expect my mom to chip even a little.

Fine...that's the past. But for mom to now condition taking trip home together upon paying for her...well that is simply too much. I still love my mom, and I appreciate her bringing me to this country, but at some point the statue of limitations on Utang Na Loob runs out.

So, it looks like it will be some time longer before I get to go back home. That is a bummer.... when is the next time I will have length of time off from work. But that's just the way it is sometimes, I suppose.

Another Hobby

I love having hobbies. I love having then so much that I have tons of them. Painting, reading, knitting, crocheting, tennis, cooking, scrap-booking...the list goes on. Of course, having so many hobbies is not the same as actually actively pursuing those hobbies. But in the fast-paced modern world of New York City, who really has time to do much of anything, much less a laundry list of hobbies. (Though you've got to have the equipment available in case the mood strikes, no?)

Recently, another very surprising hobby has shot up to the top of the list (propelled mostly by my husband, if I were pressed to admit.) Bowling....That's right....bowling

Me at Maple Lane

Now I didn't grow up in America, and bowling isn't exactly an integral part of my country. In fact, the second time I'd ever set foot in a bowling alley was during the hurricane that struck at the end of the summer. It was too rainy to do much of anything, so we took the trusty Civic (great acquisition by my husband) with some friends over to a nearby alley. We played a couple of games to see if we all actually liked it. And we did! (in spite of my score.) However, as the hygiene freak that I am, I really couldn't stomach using the house shoes (god knows what kind of bacteria and fungus is growing in those shoes) and bowling balls (some people don't wash their hands after bathroom).... so I insisted to my husband that I get my own bowling ball and shoes....and I got it!! (along with the rest of the blowing crews)

New smiling bowling ball and below is an engraved of my name nick name

On Friday, we headed over to our regular alley (yes, we now have a regular alley) and George, the pro-shop owner from whom we got our gear, came by to teach us some techniques. Unfortunately, our scores all went down after implementing his advice, but we are all pretty certain that is a temporary hiccup. Even the owner Johnny (hubby and friends thinks his name is Donny) invited us to join in a league after he saw how much fun we were having - I'm pretty certain he sees us as the new face of bowling for the 21th Century!

Given our track record, who knows how long I'll keep this up (although hubby and his brother from another mother are already ready to quit it all and go on tour!) But for the time being, I'm having fun with it - enough to get up at 8:30 AM on (some) Sundays to get the 3 hour price deal. And if we grow tired of it, well we still have a little bit of closet space left in the house.

Mom & Lucky

My mom has been living alone for a few years now.... I was the first to fly the coop and moved out; a little bit later my two brothers moved out to the suburbs of Northern Jersey (talk about sitcom....two Filipinos in a house in the Jersey suburbs, and we're not talking Jersey City here!) So imagine my surprised when I visited my mom yesterday and I discovered a new man living with her. He happily greeted me at the door even before my mom came. Curious, I wondered who this could be. But if my mom loves him, then I was excited to get to know him as well.

However, as soon as I sat down, I noticed he was acting a bit wary.... he started staring at me intently. Suddenly, he jumped at me, bit my arms and gave me a big scratch!








Yep that's Lucky - he is now my mom's new son, room mate and companion. He looks adorable and cuddly but watch out when you first meet him.....its better to let him come to you or just stay away from him!